Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The DIY Test

So you've been staring at your old kitchen cabinets all day dreaming of how beautiful it could look but put off by how expensive it would be to have them done, when it dawns on you, DIY, that's the answer. How could you not just do it yourself, it's so easy. All those TV shows do it, why not you! Well before you get started, we've come up with a 5 step trial run to prep yourself for living in a DIY household. Once you've completed these test runs you will be ready for anything that comes your way.

  1. Visit your local grocery store and buy the largest bag of flour you can find. Place in the back of your vehicle and cut a small slit anywhere in the bag. Now drive home (take sharp turns where possible). When you get home carry the bag through your entire house with the slit facing down. After you've gone through every room, if any flour remains, shake the bag over your bed, couch, and every eating surface. Now place fans on high at every corner of the house and attempt to vacuum up all the flour. Done? Great! You are now prepared for the never ending clean up of dust that results from all remodeling projects.
  2. Buy a pint of paint, any terrible color will do. Dump the paint into a plastic baggie and poke several holes into the bag. Now place all your favorite clothes in your washing machine and shove the paint bag in the middle. Run a spin cycle then remove clothes. Now try to clean every drop of paint off any item it got on. Done? Super! You are now ready to paint anything. Because no matter how careful you are, you will get covered in paint. And not just you, some how clothes you never wear will get paint on them, and furniture, and carpet, and pets...

  3. Find a large rock. Now drop it on your foot, hand, knee, or head. I'll wait until you've quit crying. Get an ice pack, it's okay, I'll wait. . . . Done? Wow, you are a trooper. You're ready for some heavy lifting now. Furniture, cabinets, lumber, it's all the same when you loose your grip and it hits you on the way down.
  4. Grab a knife. No, no, by the blade, grab a knife. Bleeding? Super! While you clean the wound and get stitched up, I'll tell you that DIY is a never ending world of sharp objects that slice, cut, and poke. Take on enough projects and you will eventually end up getting stitches.
  5. Finally the last step. Time to head back to the grocery store. Make your regular shopping list but this time as you get to each item, grab the item right next to it instead. Break, crush, or damage a few of the items while putting them in the car. Drive all the way home and unload everything. Take inventory of items to see if you can possibly live with what you ended up with. Take back any item you didn't ruin or can't return and buy the correct item. You may only return one item per trip. You are now prepared to purchase all the wrong supplies in your attempts to DIY. No matter how careful you are you will always end up with the wrong something or too many of something else and want or need to return items which may unfortunately not all be returnable. Save those receipts, you're going to need them!

Congratulations! You are now ready to DIY (or at least as ready as anyone can be).